I wrote this one night while thinking of how difficult the first few months of Erica's diagnosis had been, and how our outlook on life has changed. A Vision In The Night I remember the year Oh so well 1992 We had reached Hell Freedom was taken From my innocent tyke Diabetes came calling A life altering strike The pain and confusion A terrible brew The tears and frustrations But what could we do We dealt with the needles The finger pokes too But the most heartbreaking moment Came one morning at two A month after D We still barely slept Into our room Tiny feet had crept With her thumb in her mouth Her fingers twirling her hair My sweet little babe Had a question to share "Mommy", she asked me As she cuddled so near "When do I die?" I couldn't see past the tear A question so simple Not filled with dread Just a worrying notion That had entered her head She wasn't really afraid She didn't understand 'die' But when would she see us again Dad, her sister and I? That was the worry That kept her awake Alone in her room Waiting for death to take Her away from us For a month she had wondered When would she go? What does it mean? And I didn't know :( My heart it was broken I hugged her so tight Vowing to never let go Or give up the fight When I asked why she thought she would die Her 'literal' thoughts Made me understand why "But I have a disease It is called 'die' abetes And I was 'cared about dying Cuz I'm not sure what 'die' is" I don't have to tell you For me, no more sleep came that night When I told her she wouldn't die She curled up sooo tight So soundly she slept After getting the news She wasn't going away She was not going to lose . . . us I lay awake tortured Thinking of this secret she kept A month waiting for death Did it come when she slept? Almost 8 years has passed Since that horrific night And my vow I have kept To keep up the fight My eleven year old Is happy, mischevious, and fun Diabetes starts wars But many battles we have won Diabetes will not take her Of that we are sure Cause Erica now dreams Of something called 'the cure' She still doesn't understand 'die' But this I can tell She SURE understands living And she does it SO well!
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Is Pumping Easy? No, of course it isn't. Things can and will go wrong from time to time. It is a bit of a joke, although not a funny one, but every time I go on and on an on about how great pumping is . . . something happens to frustrate me to no end!! And, it always seems to happen late at night. I am a member of the Insulin Pumpers website, and it seems when I post something on the Digest about how well things are going BOOM! You can be assured something will go wrong :) I told some people it felt like there was an evil gremlin or something watching over us and when we felt HAPPY, he decided to take us down a notch or two. So, I decided one morning at 3:00 a.m. when we had to do an unscheduled site change, and I was waiting for EMLA to take effect, that I would write something to that Evil Pump Fairy. Pump Fairy or not, would we ever give up pumping? NOT A CHANCE!! Here is my rant at the Pump Fairy
Evil Pump Fairy Evil pump fairy please stay away Or at least when you visit make it by DAY When I spread the word of our pumping delight your big ears are open and you visit by night I can picture you sitting on Erica's toes magic wand weaving under her clothes Finding its way to her wonderful site wreaking your havoc in the dark of the night Can't you please visit when daylight is dawning I hate spending my days with sore jaws from yawning So 'evil pump fairy' Wherever you be your point was well taken This morning at three I'll not post our joy Where it will be read I'll keep it low key and WHISPER INSTEAD! Barb Chafe, November 1999 |
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