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A Canadian Butterfly
Butterflies Are Free!

This is a long one, but explains where the term 'A Canadian Butterfly' comes from.

Erica's Pump

Erica uses a Minimed 507C Insulin Infusion Pump. To read more about pumps, click on the picture below.

Pumping Insulin allowed Erica to go through a metamorphisis, from pretty caterpillar to beautiful FREE butterfly. It has been wonderful to watch and is still exciting.

I wrote this one night while thinking of how difficult the first few months of Erica's diagnosis had been, and how our outlook on life has changed.

A Vision In The Night

I remember the year
Oh so well
We had reached Hell

Freedom was taken
From my innocent tyke
Diabetes came calling
A life altering strike

The pain and confusion
A terrible brew
The tears and frustrations
But what could we do

We dealt with the needles
The finger pokes too
But the most heartbreaking moment
Came one morning at two

A month after D
We still barely slept
Into our room
Tiny feet had crept

With her thumb in her mouth
Her fingers twirling her hair
My sweet little babe
Had a question to share

"Mommy", she asked me
As she cuddled so near
"When do I die?"
I couldn't see past the tear

A question so simple
Not filled with dread
Just a worrying notion
That had entered her head

She wasn't really afraid
She didn't understand 'die'
But when would she see us again
Dad, her sister and I?

That was the worry
That kept her awake
Alone in her room
Waiting for death to take

Her away from us

For a month she had wondered
When would she go?
What does it mean?
And I didn't know :(

My heart it was broken
I hugged her so tight
Vowing to never let go
Or give up the fight

When I asked why
she thought she would die
Her 'literal' thoughts
Made me understand why

"But I have a disease
It is called 'die' abetes
And I was 'cared about dying
Cuz I'm not sure what 'die' is"

I don't have to tell you
For me, no more sleep came that night
When I told her she wouldn't die
She curled up sooo tight

So soundly she slept
After getting the news
She wasn't going away
She was not going to lose . . . us

I lay awake tortured
Thinking of this secret she kept
A month waiting for death
Did it come when she slept?

Almost 8 years has passed
Since that horrific night
And my vow I have kept
To keep up the fight

My eleven year old
Is happy, mischevious, and fun
Diabetes starts wars
But many battles we have won

Diabetes will not take her
Of that we are sure
Cause Erica now dreams
Of something called 'the cure'

She still doesn't understand 'die'
But this I can tell
She SURE understands living
And she does it SO well!



March 1999.

Get your coffee, and put your feet up. I am the mom of a new pumper and this will take awhile.

A few years ago, I was asked to do a write-up for a website dealing with children and diabetes. Why? I was parenting a beautiful child who had developed it shortly after her 4th birthday. At the time of my article, we had lived with diabetes for 3 1/2 yrs and although life felt like it was over when Erica was diagnosed, over time the emotional beating we had taken upon diagnosis had healed and we had integrated diabetes into our lifestyle. The purpose of my
write-up then, was to give hope to the parents of newly diagnosed children. To let them know that once the shock
wore off that although life would be changed, it would not be over. It was not a 'how to' article, but rather 'this was out story'. Receiving letters from parents who read this article and responded with kind words expressing their thanks was very rewarding. They were relieved to know that they were not the only ones dealing with the anxiety, fears and frustration of the disease. Also, it gave them hope that things would get better in time. Children With Diabetes was a wonderful source of information and was the first link of our chain. Thanks to Brenda and Jeff Hitchcock.

What a difference from what I felt then, to what I feel now!! Erica, who is now 10 1/2 has been on an insulin infusion pump for 9 days. Her sugars are relatively stable, although we are still fine tuning things like basal rates and carbohydrate/bolus ratios. She is enjoying her newfound freedom like a sponge absorbs water! A LOT OF WATER! We feel like our family has just woken up after a long sleep. But how can I explain this feeling? It is hard to relate this to someone who has not experienced the joy of going from being shackled to being free. At times we felt very tied down when Erica was not on the pump. We managed to lead very busy lives. Diabetes was always looming over us and the clock became as much a part of our life as juice packs, food, insulin and needles.

Two of the most rewarding things I have done in the past 9 days were: (1) waking up next to my sleeping daughter, two hours after her regular drag out of bed time, and (2) almost crying while she wolfed down a bowl of ice-cream with mashed up Oreo cookies in it. Ecstasy! It is rather frightening though, as it seems too good to be true.

Finding out about the pump was a matter of luck, it wasn't something our local medical professionals discussed then. Over a year ago (1998), as I was surfing the Internet I came across a site devoted to children on the pump. Link #2. KidsRPumping was key to making this monumental change in our lives, thank you again Ellen. I sat in front of the monitor, reading the stories that were written by the children themselves, or the parents, and was shocked. How happy they sounded! There was joy in reading their stories and I cried with almost every one. After my husband read the stories, he pushed his chair back from the desk, looked at me, and said I want this for Erica. That started a 10-month fight for insurance coverage. What I went through during that time is an article in itself, but let's just say it was the most frustrating, anxiety producing, maddening battle of my life. How dare they deny my child the freedom that so many others were enjoying. I wanted her to have the freedom and great HA1Cs I was reading about.

During our 10-month battle, I was consuming every article I could find on the pump. I came across the Insulin Pumpers site Link #3. These people, who are on the pump or have children on the pump, were fantastic. Thanks to Michael who makes it happen. Thanks too to those people who put up with repetitive questions and answered them like it was the first time. They sent emails to us encouraging us in our fight. Also during this time we linked up with a wonderful individual who eventually became our Angel (Link #4). After many letters, intervention on our behalf by our Angel, more letters, phone calls, meetings, more phone calls. . we got the go ahead! A chat between Minimed (Thank you Link #5) and an empathetic member of my husband's management team (Thank you Link #6),was instrumental in determining the opportunity we were given. A cost free 5 month trial. If at the end of the trial the Endo says that the pump is beneficial to my daughter's emotional and physical well being, insurance will pay their part. I have no doubt that that will be achieved. I am not saying we will not encounter our share of trials and tribulations on the pump, it is not a magic pill and requires vigilance and patience, but if even 75% of our trial period is as good as the first 9 days it will be very successful.

When we finally got our pump date, our Angel flew down for a visit and let us play with her son's pump. Thank you Angel for everything! She gave my husband and I the confidence to insert infusion sets into each other. Great marriage test! She minimizes the impact she has made on our introduction to pumping but we felt so much more confident heading to the hospital early the morning of St. Patrick's day with pump and supplies in hand. How could we lose? With all that support to hold us up we were doing it! Our Minimed rep was kind enough to send us a copy of The Pump Girls CD and Erica's first insertion was done with their music pumping in the background. With her tummy numbed with EMLA and big tears silently dropping from her cheeks, we made the first insertion. It was tough! I was a little uncomfortable with having to put the introducer needle in, what I was not prepared for was how rubbery my daughter's skin was. (In their true fashion, members of Insulin Pumpers have already sent us hints and tips that worked for them.)

After Erica was hooked up to her pump we were given a care by parent room, much like a small motel room, to relax in. We had the run of the hospital but had to check in periodically to confirm that everything was going okay. Erica looked like she had developed a bow in her back as she was afraid to straighten up! It might hurt! What if her top touched the tape, what if her hands were dirty, what if she pressed a button by mistake, what if it didn't work right,
what if she got it wet, what if? The questions went on and on and on and on and on! We were ready with the answers we had learned but she had to confirm things herself. Finally, later in the afternoon, I grabbed her, started dancing to the Pump Girls CD with her and bent her backwards over my knee. She was having so much fun she forgot for a little while that she was attached to something. We left there that day, and were told not to bother coming back the next. We were to enjoy our Spring Break, and call in with daily updates to the hospital. We had a pager number to call at ANY time. Whoopee! We were free. But, now we were on our own. Something we had waited so long for, but it was a little frightening. What did we do? We let the insulin pumpers know of course, and contacted our Angel was on call to us, day and night. Phew! We knew we had someone who truly understood what we were going through and lots of experienced pumpers to lend a hand, plus a terrific medical team. The first week was a little nerve wracking. Erica's blood sugars were checked a gazillion times! As each day passed, however, we relaxed a bit more. Nine days later, I am doing the wincing as I see Erica wrestling with her sister, roughhousing with the neighbour's dog, jumping around, falling down and plain old having fun. No alarms yet, no loose sets, no crimped sites. We did have one cannula clog. Insulin use has had to be dropped considerably as she is SO BUSY! And happy! So very very happy. I can see how much of an impact those swinging blood sugars made in her day to day living now that they are virtually gone. Her gaiety and spontaneity (not easily achieved on injections) is contagious and affects everyone in the family.

Although there had been initial resistance to putting a child of Erica's age on the pump when I had first inquired a year ago, we felt no such thing the day we began. The medical professionals at our hospital, the IWK in Halifax, Nova Scotia, were wonderful and open with us (link #7). They, of course, have their concerns that we handle this properly. Their priority is Erica's well being. In the year that we awaited insurance decisions, this hospital put a few kids on the pump. I think their positive experiences helped pave the way for Erica's relaxed startup. The diabetic nurse, who was an angel in her own right, encouraged us to send Erica to diabetic camp this summer. She has attended the past 3 years but we figured there would be nobody there with pump knowledge. Wrong! The diabetic nurse said she would be there, plus another young fellow who Erica knew from camp was also going and he had recently been put on a
pump. What a difference a year makes!

As you may be able to tell, I am experiencing an exuberance of joy. I can't help it! Erica is wearing a beautiful silver necklace with tiny multicolored butterflies on it. My wonderful friend from next door gave it to her the day after she went on the pump. Its significance? Prior to the pump Erica was a pretty caterpillar, now she is a beautiful butterfly. As you can see, we have had a number of vital links lead us to where we are now and we know many more links will be added to our chain. But this chain leads in a different direction, not a shackle anymore because as my dear friend said to Erica!
F R E E ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Thank you for having the patience to read all that!

Under Construction :)